David Davies (ex-REME Gunfitter)

Since I've left the army I have had very little to look forward to and very few happy times. I've lost count of how many times I self harmed, by all rights I should rattle as I walk, maybe I do and don't realise it... at least people know when I'm around.  My mood swings had driven my family and friends away and had driven me to the edge so many times, only for me to find something to hang onto right at the last moment.

In 2009 things changed and I didn't see anything to hang onto and I really didn't care any more. I'd got to the point that I very rarely went out and only ever made it to work because of all the medication I was on.  Even though I was constantly being praised I always felt uncomfortable being around people and it eventually drove me to losing my job. At this point I just followed the motions Veterans Agency, Doctors, Crisis Team before I was introduced to Shaw Trust who I found to be kind and welcoming. They helped with a little course which helped me look at myself and start to feel a bit better about myself, I was then put in the direction of Bob (Ex Engineer) who told me about VIA and the upcoming walk.

As I used to enjoy fitness I thought 'what the hell one last try at life then let's see what happens'. After meeting Billy and others at a meeting prior to the walk, I was unconvinced that this was right and ended up having a panic attack, which Billy saw and came and spoke to me. I did feel better the rest of the day afterwards and started to look forward to the walk.

During the first walk from John O Groats to Land's End, I had up and down moments and the team that were there helped me and each other out and we saw some fantastic sights and had a great time. It was a learning experience and I suppose a recharge of batteries, as I did feel like a different person at the end. I learnt that all the hard work I've done since leaving the army with my knees and back had really paid off. I'd found some confidence in myself again and realised I wasn't a broken, useless wreck and had something to offer! Even though I still don't know how to stop when injured, which is something I still endeavour to learn.
After the first walk because of my new found confidence I agreed to do The Three Peak Challenge with Daz Hennessy. Rather than constantly telling myself I couldn't do this sort of thing, I went into it believing it would be a walk in the park and to be honest I did find it easy, a few mistakes on route which in many ways just boosted my confidence more, as I could still navigate as well as ever. It did feel great getting to the top on each, it was really the only time the peaks and area looked any different, as it was just pea soup on all three. Overall, it was another great experience.

On came the second walk from Lands End to Dover, with some familiar faces and a few new ones. It was a jolly jaunt across the south coast, taking in the sights and this time I started to run more and help people more when it came to motivating them to carry on and it did feel really good when I got one lass to the end of a really tough walk and she celebrated because she really achieved something and she just seemed to forget about the pain I put her through... I guess some people like that. Another successful walk ends and another chance to learn more about myself and build more confidence in my abilities.

The next thing I did was a lot of planning for an a event to walk Hadrian's wall this time with some VIA and some Shaw Trust. I did enjoy doing this, as I like to be organised and efficient so planning something just brought out some of my better skills and to be given the task to do this was another boost in confidence. The walk went smoothly and all parties enjoyed themselves, which is a great feeling and made it worth it.
Because of my new found confidence with the events and after talking to Billy and Baz on facebook (Orderly Room) I made the decision to do something that I enjoy and I would be good at, god knows I have enough experience! That was to do an Access to Higher Education course in the hope of going to University to do a degree in Physiotherapy. I am due to start at college in September this year and I'm really looking forward to it and it will keep me focused for the next few years. This will also benefit the charity and future events, which will be a great thing. I've also done a first aid and navigation course with the charity and hope to do more courses in the future.

If my year had not been busy enough, I've been helping Legasee with transcribing veteran interviews, which as someone with a love of history, I find very interesting and enjoyable. Thanks to Dave Player at Legasee, I was put in touch with Ann whom I am helping out with a book about The Italian Campaign, due to be published later on this year. Again, it feels good to help out.

As you can see the last year has been very busy and I am unrecognisable from the person I was when I was first introduced to Billy and VIA. I now feel proud to be part of something that will help others achieve the happiness they may be struggling to find and I'm sure together we will help others who will help others.
Sometimes stepping out of the dark can be a very scary thing, but when you take that step you'll wonder why you hid in the first place.

Davey