Sue

When I first got asked to write a testimony as how being a part of VIA has affected me and my life I thought..Surely not...they can't mean me.... I  just hold a bucket! Having written this at least a 100 times i have had to do a lot of soul searching to find the answers.

I have been connected to the military for over 36 years by family and friends. I think many forget it becomes a way of life for us too. Although we are civvies in one way, in another we aren't. We get to see and share things at close quarters, many great things but some, not so good and some we really wish we didn't, but it is a way of life and a choice I made and stuck around  through love and with friends through love and respect.

I can kind of relate to the nightmares many suffer in all be it a very small way, but if I have one I can assure you it is like a living hell and very very real. Those that suffer with PTSD ... those nightmares last for days or months and way worse than what I experience.   

I'm thankful I can go to my GP and scream HELP when they get severe. But for many ex-services that isn't possible and many GP's even now can't help. The process is long and not always the right kind of help which usually just results in people being frustrated and angry, and so a cycle begins.

Ultimately I suppose I do it for the children. As an adult I made the choice .. Children have no choices, only those we make for them. They don't understand war or its effects and in many cases they don't even know what their parent has seen or done in a life before them.

They only see the person they love hurting and angry. So if VIA can give someone the ability to get their life back on track and the tools to be able to deal with certain situations plus give them their self esteem back, that can only be good, for the individual and their family/children.

I was lucky enough to be able to go on the walk from Dover to Cape Wrath with the VIA Team (which sadly ended for them short, due to horrendous weather)  Also sadly for me as I was only able to complete a week due to work commitment.

I said sadly when I went home as I felt I hadn't achieved  but I had failed as I hadn't completed the walk. Now I know how lucky I was in the sense I achieved the walks I was set daily, I have met some fantastic people, who don't judge you and allow you to be yourself and work at your own pace, but would be there for you.

I got to see many places I wouldn't have. Discovered I do have a real inner strength to push myself physically. I got to see where the money that is put in my bucket goes first hand and I can assure everyone that every penny really does go back to the lads from equipment to courses. And although I already knew from friends who had taken part in last years walks the change in them happens right before your eyes. It's pretty awesome!

For me? Well, smiling, I can now get on a tube train by myself. No big deal some might say, but it was for me. I haven't been able to do that for years, I haven't attempted a crowded one as yet, not totally alone, but small steps, one at a time.

I will get there. I am kind of proud of myself for that as not only did I overcome my fear but also and ultimately it was my choice to do so. Perhaps my next fear to conquer will be heights, who knows, at least now I know I can do it if I choose to, but the encouragement I have got from other  VIA team members has been outstanding.

Life wise I have decided to do a course at work which my family and friends and work colleges have been pleading with me to do for years. But due to very low self esteem and illness I haven't felt I was capable of. Now I'm choosing to do it!!!

I'm hoping I will be able to go on more walks..perhaps shorter ones that I can complete. As for my bucket n me, well, i have said this many times to people "it's your choice whether you put money in or not, I'm not forcing you, just if you decide to.... I can categorically say I know what good it does! Every penny helps"

I have been following Billy since he first set up VIA the man is on a mission.... A team I'm proud to be a part of.

 Sue