Teresa MacLeod

The Choices We Make.....My Story.

I guess there have been a few tough 'choices' that I have had to make in recent years. One of the toughest, was to be told & accept that I had Breast Cancer at the age of 43.!!!

ME....Why I was immune to anything & everything wasn't I?....How I got that wrong!

That same awful day I had to make the 'choice' on what I wanted to do about it. You see people telling you the options but you dont really hear them actually talking, the voices are just muffled, your heads & thoughts are scattered everywhere, yet you're still offered a 'choice'.

I took the decision that this awful terrible desease was not going to beat me. After all.....my life was in my hands.

I know I'm not the 1st person to get Breast Cancer & I certainly won't be the last either.

I tried so very hard to be brave in front of people, friends & family but when alone in the dark of the night....I crumbled, cried like a baby. I was so scared....going into the unknown.

I shut people out, put up a wall & hid behind it. Self-worth, self-esteem & confidence all went out the window.
That was in October 2004.

In March 2005, whilst driving around the Hampshire countryside I got a phone call from Billy. He had been in a car crash, my heart & head was pounding, my hands were shaking & my mouth went so dry I couldn't even swallow. I could tell by Billy's tone of voice it was bad.

I rushed back as quick as poss, with trying to stay calm to boot....(NO ROAD RAGE HERE) Fearing the worse, upon arriving at the hospital I found Billy sat in the corridor looking OK, No broken bones, cuts or brusies....he was very lucky.

Billy has always been MY rock, MY tower of strength, MY best friend....how dare someone do this to ME.?

I watched him go from a very out-going, funny person to a very broken, depressed man. Here I was again at the 'choice' x-roads....I made the 'choice to put my feelings & health problems aside, as I knew I was the one who had to be Billy's Rock.

Very very slowly I watched Billy claw his way back up the ladder to be a rock again. So much he climbed, he started a Charity in 2009...WOW...How good was that?

I wasn't entirely sure what Billy or it meant but 3 yrs down the line, I do now. Being part of VIA has meant a great deal to me as not really having much to do with military, apart from a few friends.

I have watched, learnt & listened from a great bunch of people about their own problems, feelings, heartache & even horror, that it makes it seems like my own problems are simple if not trivial.

VIA has taught me quite a few things (school couldn't) How to be more confident, have more self-esteem, belief & self-worth.

I can now accept a compliment,instead of thinking it was a 'wind-up'. I can accept people for who they are without judgment or thinking that they hate me. I can confidently stand with a bucket fundraising, yelling aloud in a huge crowd & having a giggle at the same time.

I have learnt to respect other people's values, beliefs & feelings. I can actually talk to others without aggression or butting in thinking I was always right & they're wrong.

This has taken me a long long time, now I'm in a place where I like being & happy with.

My Dad always said..'There's no such word as can't....Can't means won't'. I also know what that now means too.....Thanks Dad x

In a nut shell what I'm trying to say is:....We all have a 'choice' in this world. It's up to ourselves which path we take.
To know if it's the right 'choice',.....only time will tell.

Teresa